The Diary of Lord Sesshoumaru
by Sherman-the-cat
Summary: COMPLETE! Sesshoumaru keeps a secret diary throughout the series. Minor spoilers, nothing major. FUNNY!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything**

**AN: This is dedicated to my awesome friend Layla who sadly, will be moving to JPN in a few weeks:( I will miss you Layla!**

Day 1,

Father died today. Took swords with him. Shit.

In other news have baby brother now. Will kill him soon.

Hair: looking silky

Day 54 751,

Was just about to kill brother when got himself sealed to a tree. Oh well, saves me a trip.

Day 73 000

Pursuing quest for father's sword. Have one already but is not nearly as pretty as other.

Day 73 002

Crap. Turns out stupid brother has woken up AND has sword! It is much better suited to this Sesshoumaru. Besides, will bring out the colour of my eyes.

Hair: Soft and shiny 

Day 73 005

Brother seems to have acquired side kick in tiny woman in scandalous outfit! Must find out where she got it.

Day 73 008

Lost arm in battle against half-wit brother. Damnit! How will I brush hair to perfection now?

Arm lost in battle for pretty sword. Would brood but arm hurts too much, or rather lack of arm.


	2. Chapter 2

Day 73 064

Strange baboon like man approached me today. Seems to want to go into business together. Absolutely refuse! Will not form partnership! Any business that involves this Sesshoumaru will feature me as CEO. Anyone else is just minions.

Will go kill brother now.

Hair: Do you even need to ask?

Day 73 065

According to baboon man, brother has acquired another side kick. Side kick number 2 seems to have fear of bees. Cannot blame him. Stings swell up and mar beauty.

Day 73 066

Battle against brother went better than last time as still retain remaining arm.

Side kick number 2 seems to be quite flashy. Wears earring and carries around large gold stick. Perhaps is compensating for something.

Will kill brother after manicure

Day 73 133

Let out small smile before could stop self today. It seemed to freak out Jaken. Perhaps will show emotion more often.

… Nah.

Day 73 135

Brother has acquired 3rd and 4th side kick. One a woman, the other a small child. If there were any possibility of it being true I would swear brother was adopted. Said so to him. he responded by throwing sword at my face. V. immature.

Will kill brother later.

Day 73 135 – later

Returned to kill brother. Did not go quite as planned.

Day 73 140

Young girl keeps following me must be cautious as do now wish to have to file another restraining order.

Day 73 142

Girl annoyingly cute. Maybe will keep her around. May cause amusement. Though of course not enough to create expression.

Day 73 171

Found dirty ogre head on ground. Was quite appalled but so was Rin so had to appear manly. Picked it up and chased her around with it a bit. Quite fun actually.

Day 73 171 – later

Have just had idea. Will use ogre's teeth to make sword! Oh I am so smart!

Day 73 173 – later

Strange woman appeared today. Smelled like Naraku. Suggested she get new perfume. She did not seem to be pleased.

Was preoccupied with sudden notice of nail broken in fight against so-not-cuter-than-me brother. HE MUST DIE!

It is time for scheming now.


	3. Chapter 3

Day 73 276

Watched Rin and Jaken catch fish. Rin too cute for words. Will never tell though.

Was invited to a battle. W/e, will give me something to do.

Later

Brother showed up at battle. HE claims he was only there to rescue sidekick #1 but I bet he was there just to steal my thunder. Kicked his ass. YES!

Day 73 285

Good news! Found miko that brewed my eyeliner had lowered price! Hurah!

In other news, Rin kidnapped.

Day 73 286

Kicked Naraku's ass! OH I am so cool.

Oh and Rin is back

Day 73 284

Perm gone horribly awry! Hair is not filled wit luscious curls as desired but instead has poofed out and one frizzy. Needless to see, have already killed the imbecile responsible. Will have to flat iron hair to bring back some sense of beauty.


	4. Chapter 4

Day 73 290

Have been pondering the words of… oh I'm not sure, some monk I killed today. He claims that ego is the source of all suffering. So very true. If were not so pretty the ladies would not swoon as they do. I have spent far too much time squatting under bushes hiding from neglected wives. Not my neglected wives, of course, as am not married. That would be weird.

In other news hair back to normal

Day 73, 363

Both Jaken and Rin almost died today. Was shocked to realize I was concerned. Apparently have grown quite attached to the little guys. Sniff

Ahem Must kill brother now in very manly fashion.

Day 73 466

Hahaha! Brother's girlfriend died today. Loser.

Day 73 508

Some chick fell in love with me again. She died oh well.

Day 73 599

Entered father's grave today. Far too humid in the world between life and death, hair frizzed. Brother had the gall to snigger. Punched him upside the cranium. Boo YEAH!

Day 73 634

Rin kidnapped AGAIN! So much trouble but too cute to resist. Not as cute as this Sesshoumaru though. Ha!

Day 73 642

Today saw Kagura topless. Was good. Did not make expression. Excellent.

Day 73 645

Anime over. Very sad, the viewers will no longer get to see this Sesshoumaru. If I do something cool no one will see it! Damnit! If there aren't OVAs then this Sesshoumaru will have to kick some producer/writer booty! You heard me Rumiko Takahashi! Prepare to die! Muahahaha!

The End!

**Sayounara Layla!**


End file.
